And I've completed my 50th year of life . . . Goal date +3weeks

Stats: +2
Avg cal burned:  2144
Avg cal consumed: 1279
Avg deficit:  865

The numbers are not totally accurate this week because I didn't log all my meals.  The birthday celebrations started with "pizzapalooza" on Monday.  It continued through to Tuesday because we had lots of left over pizza.  I had a busy week with work and kids stuff, so that is my excuse for being off track.

The big disappointment is that I was not able to run the Hollis 5k on Thursday.  I had said from the beginning that I didn't want to run in the rain.  I wouldn't mind if it was a mist or a shower, but it started raining at 1 PM, so by 6:30 PM, everything was soaked, and the rain was rain, not mist or sprinkle.  I can't believe this is the 2nd time I've signed up and not been able to do it, I'm jinxed where this race is concerned.  I picked up my shirt and number - guess what - I was #1.  That was a total surprise.  We still went to La Hacienda that night, and had another birthday celebration.  I was happy that I got to jump on my treadmill and run a 5k (+) that afternoon - I had skipped my morning workout with the hopes that I would be running the race later that day.  Last time I ran in the morning and did the race, and I think that was a contributing factor in how horrible I felt.  I also had bought a $25 water bottle that has a handle I can hold while running since I don't like to hold anything when I'm running, but I need my water.  I figure it will come in handy when I'm on vacation since most of my workouts/run/walks are outside.

So, the celebrating ends tonight with dinner with my best friends.  I'm looking forward to a wonderful meal and laughs and fun with my friends.  My bf also gave me a day of pampering for my birthday, and today I had a massage, facial, manicure, and pedicure.  I feel so beautiful!

After today, I'm going to start to wean myself off of my BodyMedia monitor.  I will close my subscription early next month, but I probably won't wear it during vacation.  I already have a tan line from it, and it's just not very appealing with pretty t-shirts, etc. :-)  I'm a little nervous about not knowing exactly how much I'm burning, but I think I have a pretty good idea by now, and this will cause me to shift the focus more on what/how much I'm eating because I'll HAVE to keep that 1400 or under in order to not gain back what I've lost.

I'd love to say that I'll be here every week to report, but I'm not sure.  Especially over the next few weeks - a week from today we leave on vacation!!!  I'll be there for 2 weeks, then busy with parties, our anniversary, etc.  I think my plan is to pop in to report on any progress I've made or new developments - shorter posts.  We'll see.

Goal date +2 weeks

Stats:  -1
Ave burn:  2207
Ave cal:  1046
Ave deficit:  1161

So, this week I made a super herculean effort to do well, and as you can see by my stats, I had a phenomenal week.  Burn is a little low, but I was able to work out every day, not skip a day (until yesterday :-), and I did well with calories.  I will admit, I started out the week  - last Saturday - with a Chinese buffet and ice cream!  But, I logged it all, and the ice cream was no sugar, low fat :-)

I got my first bike ride of the season in, and it was great.  I really enjoyed it - it was on the very hot Sunday, but I didn't really mind it because on the bike you create a nice breeze.  I biked 12 miles, and it took me about an hour.  I really hope to get in more biking, I do enjoy it so much.

The other thing that happened is that I had to wear shorts - I've been getting by with my jean capris, but now the weather called for real shorts, and I couldn't find a pair that fit me.  They were falling off of me!  This is a good problem to have :-)  I had my first foray into a bathing suit too, and while I have a ways to go before I love my body, at least it wasn't as bad as last year!

Monday is my birthday, and it turns out that I will be having a party of sorts.  My brother will be visiting from California, and so my siblings and their families will be coming over to my house for pizza and salad and cake.  I think I am going to make cupcakes tomorrow to have.  So, the real reason we are meeting is my brother, but we will celebrate since it's on my birthday.  Then, on Thursday, I will do the race and we will go to La Hacienda after to celebrate.  And then, I am going out to dinner on Saturday night with Chuck and Dawna and George, but before that, Dawna is taking me away for several hours on Saturday for a surprise - I have no idea what it is, I hope I like it.  I can only think of spa or something like that, but I could be totally wrong.

So, since I needed shorts, I went out shopping on Wednesday and bought all new shorts, which was fun.  I also bought myself new running shoes.  I feel like mine are fine, but they are six months old and do have a lot of miles on them.   The shopping is fun, even though I am not the final size that I want to be.  I hope I'll have to buy all new shorts again next year (although, they are so expensive!  I bought them on sale and had a 30% off coupon, but they still cost more than some of my pants cost!).  Since we are no longer having an anniversary party, I feel like I can spend all this money on other stuff :-)  I think Chuck is going to regret his decision to not have a party.  It would have been cheaper in the long run.

Goal date +1 week

Stats:  -2
Ave burn: 1975
Ave cal:  1093


Stats are off this week because, for some reason, I just took Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off!  I also didn't log on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday.  I don't know what came over me.  I guess I just needed a break.  After reaching my goal date, but not my goal, I think I just lost all my oomph.  I had planned to work out on Saturday, but then got up late, then got busy with doing stuff around the house, school work, etc.  I was working on my invitation to my 25th anniversary party.  That just spiraled out of control when I skipped Sunday.

Of course, it's not good that I lost 2 pounds, because that seems like I did something right.  But, I know that it's only half of what I gained the week before, so I'm still up 2 in my mind anyway.  This is the first month ever that I have had a 0 average weight loss for the month.  I ended the month at the exact same weight at which I started the month, and that is damn depressing.

On a brighter note, the weather is beautiful, and I will be able to take the top of my Jeep completely off, and it's been lots of fun riding around with it off or half off.

Oh, and we aren't having an anniversary party :-(  Chuck called it off - he says he doesn't want a party, and I can't exactly go on without his support.  I am very sad, and I wish he had told me this nine months ago when I started planning, but I guess I'll have to get over it.  Part of me was using the party as motivation to look my best - I had even thought of trying to get into my wedding dress or having it altered so that I could wear it as a cocktail dress or something like that, but alas, I guess I'll just have to find something else to motivate me.

This coming week I'm going to really, really try to stay 100% on track - exercise every day, and eat right, etc.  I know I can do it, and I will do well.  I have just under two weeks until the Hollis Fast 5k, and I need to train so I don't make a fool of myself.

Week 50 - The End?

Stats:  +4
Avg burn: 2196
Avg cal: 1158
Avg deficit: 1038

Well, what a note to end my 50 week journey on - gain 4lbs.  It's one of my largest gains - I gained 4 once before, so this is tie.  Ok, so it was a challenging week.  I started my period last Saturday, which was Russell's birthday.  We had treats, of course - cookies and other goodies that I don't usually eat.  In addition, I left on a business trip on Tuesday and came back Thursday.  Wednesday night was a fabulous business dinner out, and while I thought I was being pretty good, I also didn't really skip anything either - but that included my workouts.  I went to the hotel gym both days even though I was feeling very tired.  In fact, Friday morning I ended up skipping working out, and I went to my annual physical appointment that morning.

My main complaint is how I cannot lose weight.  I told my doctor how I had this very reasonable goal of losing 1 pound a week, but as of that day, my average was .65 per a week despite the fact that I was exercising almost every day, eating well, and keeping a calorie deficit of at least 500 calories a day.  She didn't have any answers for me except to say that it sounds like I'm not getting enough sleep.  She said she would run blood work on me with my annual cholesterol check, and we could go from there, but she thinks that I'm not getting enough sleep, and that is why my weight loss is so slow.  I guess that's possible, but not what I wanted to hear since there's not much I can do about it.

So, here I am at the end of my 50 weeks, and I have lost a total of 32.5 pounds.  My plan is to continue at least through to my birthday.  I also have the goal of running the 5k after my birthday, June 14, and then we will go out an celebrate.

After that, I will continue to write weekly until we leave on vacation on June 22.  Then I will be canceling my membership with BodyMedia.  I'm done with wearing the monitor - it's too invasive.  I already have a tan line from it, and people ask about it all the time.  By now, I have a very good idea of what I burn on a daily basis.  For exercise, I'll use a calculated burn or maybe I'll find my HRM and use that.  Either way, it's an estimate, and I'll need to stay on the conservative side to ensure I continue to lose and just use MyFitnessPal.com to track everything.  If I continue at the rate I'm going, it will take at least until the end of the year to lose the remaining 17.5 pounds.

I realize that I need to do something different for exercise too.  I'm bored with the running.  I love walking, but it just takes too much time to burn enough calories, so I need to find a good  program that will motivate me.  It takes a lot of time, though, to research different dvd programs, etc.  I would love to get a personal trainer, but I have not heard of any that will come to your house at 5 AM, and that's what I need.

Week 49 - The 5k

Stats:  -3.5
Avg burn:  22
Avg cal:
Cal deficit:

So, this week was very busy, and there were several main events - one being my son's birthday today, but before that, my first public 5k run.  I signed up for the charity 5k that Tess's school was sponsoring.  What a humbling experience.  I felt ready.  I had been running a 5k distance for months, and I had been timing my actual 5k on the treadmill since the end of February.  More recently, I've added running a 5k outside so I would have the challenge of the terrain.  My time wasn't horrible - usually 30 to 32 minutes.  There were times when I would get tired or even have to stop for a few seconds of walking, but in general I felt that I was doing ok.

Well, the race wasn't starting until 7 PM.  This was difficult.  I got there after 5 PM, and picked up my number.  Chuck and the kids were all there, and they were registered for the fun run.  But even though that started at 6:30, they were done in minutes, and then we were left waiting an waiting.  It had been a very hot day, and even though now the sun was going down, it was still pretty hot.  I started off ok, I was trying to not get caught up with going too fast.  But, my mouth turned to dust anyway - I had forgotten about the adrenaline rush that you get when it starts.  I was really distracted by my thirst.  Many people passed me.  I felt like my legs were lead.  There was only one water stop just after the 1st mile.  I really didn't think I was going to be able to run the whole distance.  I was so thirsty and hot.  But, I did keep up with it, and I finished  with 31:13.  My time wasn't horrible, but the experience was.  Now I am worried about the Hollis Fast 5k for my birthday.  I will have to make sure I have water (I hate to carry it), and I'll hope that it's not as hot.

Of course, I am thrilled with my weight loss this week.  I figure some of it must be the water I sweated out on Thursday.  I finally made my second 10% goal!!  Of course, then today I got my period, which has been missing for 6+ weeks.  I don't know how that plays in, but it seems like it's always a factor.

Next Friday I go to have my physical, so I'll be interested to see what my doctor says about my slower than molasses weight loss.

Week 48 - Burned Out

Stats: +1
Avg cal burned: 2121
Avg cal consumed:  1607
Avg deficit:  514

You know what the problem with losing slowly is?  The problem is that you cannot sustain the stamina and pace of activity and careful eating to be able to reach your goal.  As I go on to almost a year of this, the novelty has worn off long ago.  I have tried to set new goals to keep myself working towards something - most of these goals, if they were weight goals, were not met.  I have been able to meet some of my physical goals.  I started running, worked my way up to 3, then 4+ miles.  I can run a 5k.  I haven't been as successful at some of my toning/weight training goals, but I am still working towards them.

But, it's all such a chore now.  I am burned out.  This wouldn't be a horrible thing if I were at - or even close - to my goal.  I'd down shift into maintenance mode.  I'd take it easy for a few weeks, with the goal of getting back on track and losing those "last 5".  But, I still have 20+ pounds to go.  That's another half a year of this JUST TO GET TO MY GOAL.  That's six months of working out EVERY DAY and WATCHING every mouthful of food.  I wish I were more motivated.  Why am I not motivated?  After 48 long weeks, why is this not ingrained into my life and I do not think twice about it?

I don't know why, but I know that I dread exercising now more than ever.  When the alarm goes off, and I think about getting on the treadmill, I am already bored.  I'm sick of the same music that I listen to over and over.  I'm sick of the same routine.  And, I'm tired of being tired all the time.

So, I need to figure something out fast.  I need to find activity that is going to excite and challenge me.  If I only had the time and the energy :-)

Week 47 - Happy May!

Stats:  -.5
Avg cal burn:  2336
Avg cal consumed: 1436
Avg deficit: 898

This was a good week.  I feel like I did well.  I am still struggling with getting up in the morning, so I had to punt at work a couple days, but at least I did keep up with working out.  I also logged every day, and I feel like I made good choices.  It helped that I didn't have any temptations this week (until last night).  So, even though it didn't translate into the numbers, I am ok with it because I know I did well, and it's a very livable week (except for getting up at 5 AM!).

The weather was great this week, and I was able to take the freedom panels off the Jeep for the first time this year.  I kept them off for six days!  It makes me excited to have the summer weather here full time and really feel like summer is on its way.  I am trying to not think about the fact that I won't be in bathing suit form for the beach.  At least I will look better than last year.

Week 46 - the home stretch?

Stats:  -1
Avg burned:  2113
Avg cosumed:  1395
Avg deficit:  718

The numbers aren't that accurate this week because I took last weekend off.  I hadn't planned on it, but it just happened that I never worked out, and I never tracked my meals, so the weight loss is accurate, and the burn is accurate (albeit low due to skipping 3 days - yes, 3), but the average calorie consumed is also probably low due to the fact that it doesn't take into account Saturday or Sunday.

I drank too much wine Friday night, and I was just sloggy and slow Saturday morning, and I thought I would work out later, but the day just got away from me, and before I knew it, it was night and Dawna and George came over, and I drank some more wine.  I planned to make up for it on Sunday (which is my usual morning off), but we had made plans to go out to breakfast, and so when the alarm went off,  I also talked myself out of getting up to work out that morning.  Again, I thought I would go for a walk or do something later in the day, but it turned into taking a nap!

I thought I got back on track on Monday, but Tuesday morning I could not get myself out of bed.  I wasn't able to walk at work because of the weather.  I finally got my butt out of bed on Wednesday, but then slept in again on Thursday!  Thankfully, it was a nice day, and I took a 3+ mile walk at lunch so that I at least did not skip the whole day.  I had also taken a walk on Wednesday, so in some respects had made up (in numbers) for missing Tuesday. 

I just don't know what has gotten in to me.  Or, I do, but I just don't want to admit it.  I'm burnt out.  I'm tired.  I have still not adjusted to the time change, and 5 AM still comes too soon.

Here are some updates:  my butt pain is definitely better, not completely gone, but not the stabbing pain that it was.  I am still having to stop running in the morning to go to the bathroom.  I stopped taking my supplements a couple weeks ago, I don't think they made any difference.  I may have sweat more during my morning workout, but over all, no difference in weight loss, less hunger, or more energy.

I am signed up for my first official 5k for 5/16.  I'll be running it with Russell.  I have been training for it - started running a 5k outside at work on Mondays.

I've started to think about whether I will continue to blog once my 50 weeks are up.  I know that I won't reach my goal, but I do have a two more weeks after 50, but before my birthday.  I will definitely keep blogging until then.  After that, I may not blog weekly, but check in more when I actually have something to say.  It may take me until November to get to my goal, so that would be a lot of blog posts!

Week 45 - I'm losing steam; the Boston Marathon

Stats:  +1
Avg burn:  2250
Avg cal: 1312
Avg deficit: 938

Well, I apologize if this is all a bit jumbled.  I'm posting it late for the week, and I'm already forgetting what last week was like.  I only know that my motivation is waning badly.  I am still having such a problem getting up in the morning.  I have been saved by good weather and work schedules that have allowed me to go out and walk at work, but it's not the amount of burn that I need.

See, here is the big problem with slow losing.  You lose momentum.  If you can lose 1-2 pounds a week and reach your goals in a reasonable amount of time, you can keep up with it.  But, when you are like me and down to ~.75 average a week, and at a year mark, you still haven't been able to reach your goal, you get tired.  And, when you get tired, you get sloppy. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have lost the 33 pounds I have lost, but that's part of the problem too.  I have a lot of people noticing that I've lost weight and telling me that I look good.  I've finally been able to start fitting into size 10 pants again.  I feel better about my body.  It's enough to lull you into the feeling that it might be enough.  But, it's not.  I need to get to the 50lb mark, I know that, but at this rate, I won't be there until sometime in November.  I was so looking forward to spending the summer in a new size, new clothes that I bought to fit me.  Now I will be buying my new clothes in depressing winter.  Not only that, but I have to wait so long for this reward, it will be anticlimactic.

Lots of people are always saying, "when it comes off slow, it stays off"  Well, the reverse of that may be true - if you lose 10# in say, 2 weeks, you may be destined to gain 5 of that back very quickly as soon as you ease up a bit.  But, in my experience, the weight comes back on even after it has taken a tortureously long time to come off.  And, it comes back on rather quickly.  The last time I lost a significant amount of weight - about 50# back in 2002-3, it took me over a year and a half to get there.  I didn't stay there long - maybe a week or two.  It was the holidays, so I crept up a few pounds, but I knew I could get that back down, but then I had an injury and had to take some time off from working out.  Before I knew it, I was up 10# in less than 3 months.  It's just not true for me that you keep weight that you lost slowly off any longer.

The other event of this week, of course, was the Boston Marathon and subsequent bombing.  What a horrible thing. I ran a 5k at work at lunch on Monday.  As I ran, I thought about the marathoners who were at that moment running.  The weather was perfect for running, maybe a little windy, but sunny and dry.  I was thinking that by the time I got back to my desk, there would already be a winner of the race.

When I learned of the bombings, a short 20-30 minutes after it happened, I couldn't comprehend it.  At first, we knew there were injuries, but we had not heard that anyone was killed.  I hoped that no one would be, but unfortunately, that was not the case.

It was a crazy week after that - every day there were more details.  The president and Mrs. Obama came to Boston for a memorial service.  The back bay was closed down.  Then, on Thursday night came the confrontation with the actual perpetrators.  They shut down the whole city!  I feel so sad for the victims and their families.  I think of Martin Richard, only eight years old - just months older than Gwen.  How will his family go on?  Why?  It makes me want to weep. 

But, my journey is like a marathon.  I have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that I will cross the finish line at some point.  Maybe it won't be until all the crowds are gone and the finish line has been removed, but I will get there.

Week 44 - Just 6 weeks left!

Stats: -3.5
Ave burn: 2304
Ave cal: 1375
Ave deficit: 929


Wow, where did the time go?  I know that the next six weeks are going to fly by.  I also know that I wont be reaching my goal.  I would have to lose 15# by then, and that is just not going to happen unless I lose a limb.  I don't even think a fast or shake diet would work or a colonic or any other crazy thing I could think of to lose the weight - besides, if I did it that way, it would just be back on the next week (at least half of it).  So, I must resolve that I won't have lost 50# in 50 weeks.  The way my weight loss is trending (BTW, see how I don't even get excited about a 3.5# loss - I just know that I'll be up on this Friday, so why get excited?), I will reach the 50# mark 13 weeks past my goal date - and that's if I can manage to keep up with a .78# a week loss that I am at now.  It's averaged as low as .72, so it may take even more than an additional 13 weeks.

I try to not get bummed out about this, but it is really challenging.  I was so hoping that I would look better than I do by now.  If I had been able to keep up with a 1# loss, I'd be almost 10# less than I am now, and that would make a huge difference.  But, I'm not, so there's no use in crying about it.  People notice my weight loss, and the first thing I say is how it's not to my goal or that it's so hard.  I know I'm being negative, but it's like I need to remind myself that I am a long way from the finish line.  And, maybe that's a good thing.  When you start to get cocky, you start to get sloppy.  I'll tell you one thing that will cut you right down to size if you are feeling cocky - bathing suits!  I was sort of looking forward to being in a bathing suit and not looking like a beached whale, and I saw a cute suit at TJ Max for $15, so I bought it.  Yes, it fits, but seeing all the rolls and flab everywhere was very humbling.

This week was about getting "clean" - no more Easter candy and other excesses that were finding their way into my mouth.  I did ok until Friday when we had cake for a co-worker who is retiring.  I had a sliver.  Still, it's all it takes to break the damn, so to speak.  I am trying to stay on track for the weekend.

My neighbor is doing some sort of shake challenge, and she invited me (and others, of course) over to sample the shakes.  I politely declined.  I've tried the shake thing before, and I end up drinking the shake AND eating my usual meal, so all it does is add calories for me.  In addition, I looked up these shakes, and found that it's one of those multi-layer companies where they get you to be a "distributor" and the folks above you get some sort of cut on your sales, etc.  That is not for me on so many levels.  Anyway, I am not where I wanted to be, but I have still lost 35lbs by just eating right and exercising, so I think I should stick to it.

Week 43 - Stomach Flu

Stats:  -.5
Avg Burn:  2208
Avg Cal: 1415
Avg Deficit:  793

So, this week I was hit with the stomach flu mid-week.  I had one day of almost no eating - saw a 2.5lb loss the next morning, but of course it didn't hang around.  Total of .5lb lost for this week, which is ok considering.  I show an average deficit of 793, but I know that I didn't log everything that went in my mouth this week. 

It started on Friday night, we had our friends over for some wine and the guys played ping-pong.  I just wanted some relaxation before I had to kick it into high gear for the holiday prep.  I had thought I was done with school, but I had some last minute back and forth with my partner on our paper.  Anyway, I managed to keep up with the exercise, even though I was busy.  Sunday morning, I had to start prepping for breakfast at 7 AM, so I would have had to get up at 4 to fit my work out in I knew that wasn't going to happen, so I skipped it, hoping I'd fit in a walk later, which we did.  My sister and I had a shorter/slower walk than I usually do because Gwen came with us and was tired out quickly.  At least I got out and burned some calories instead of just consuming them!

I was fortunate that the stomach flu didn't hit until after I had worked out on Tuesday, but I decided that I needed rest and a break on Wednesday morning.  I had a busy day, so it ended up being a complete day off from working out - the first in 15 consecutive days, which had been the longest stretch I have had in since January.  Maybe I needed the break.

I continued to feel icky on and off for the rest of the week, but it didn't seem to impact my eating and drinking.  I am on "Spring Break" this week because I have one week between classes, and I have been fitting in a lot of social engagements, reading, and catch up work (like filing our taxes!).  I will have to start hitting the books tomorrow for my next class - Assessing Leadership Capability.

So, I haven't done anything about my PITA - such a busy week, and with being sick, etc., however, I think it might be going away (KOW), so we'll see.  On the flip side, I now have a sciatica pain in my right buttock!

Week 42 - Pain In The A**!

Stats:  0 lost
Avg Burn:  2366
Avg Cal:  1539
Avg Deficit:  827


Not sure if I've mentioned this before - I'm surprised that I haven't, but I have been having this deep pain in my left buttocks for about a month now.  It just started one day.  It sort of feels like sciatica (nerve pain vs. muscle or ligament or bone), but deeper, and I mostly feel it when I am bearing weight.  I thought if I concentrated on stretches, it would go away, but it hasn't.  Sometimes it's really painful when I start exercising - shooting pains in my buttock, and sometimes it radiates down my leg or up into my lower back.  I've tried different things to try to get rid of it - I stopped doing my walking/running on an incline, but it still persisted.  I finally figured that I have to go see a doctor to get it looked at.  I asked my neighbor, who is a physical therapist, what she thought.  I was hoping she would say something like, "Oh, that's your blahblah nerve and you did xyz, but if you do these 3 stretches religiously for the next two weeks, you'll be fine."  Well, of course not - she said to see my dr., who would prescribe PT.  That was over a week ago - I just have not had time to go to the doctor, so I haven't even called to make the appointment.  And, it comes and goes - it's most annoying when I start walking/running or if I have been sitting for a while, my first steps.  And, although it's painful, it's something I can ignore, unlike sciatica pain that would keep me up at night.  So, my goal is to do something about it - just not looking forward to the process of going to a lot of doctors appointments and not getting a straight answer or any resolution.

Ok, so what else?  Well, tomorrow is Easter, and I am having my family over for Easter brunch - the chocolate eating has already begun!  It has been a very stressful week and month.  My mom has been going through a breast cancer thing because of something on her mammogram.  I had my final paper due for my class this week, I think I will eke out a B, but that's partly with fingers crossed.  I am still struggling with the time change, and once again I did not have a whole week of having to get up early took a morning off and Friday was a holiday, so I didn't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn :-)  I had planned to start doing a 2nd 5k on Monday, my idea was to do one of them outside to start to get training for that, but it is still pitch black out at 5 AM (and cold!), so that is not going to happen.  I may do it at lunch at work, we'll see.

Ok, much to do for the breakfast tomorrow, I will sign off.

Week 41 - 9 more weeks to goal

Stats:  +1.5lb
Ave burn:  2191
Ave cal:
Ave deficit:

Well, obviously weigh-in this week was not good.  I saw it coming, though - all week I was up, so at least it wasn't a complete surprise.  Why?  I don't know - could be the not great week before caught up with me.  I had a total pizza binge on Saturday followed by date night.  I also didn't work out on Saturday, and I ended up skipping Monday too.  Saturday I just kept putting it off and putting it off in the morning, and then I ended up being too late to work out.  On Monday, I had an alarm/human malfunction - I pressed the off button when I thought it was the snooze.  So, my burn was low, but I still managed an ~800 calorie deficit, so why gain?

My mom has been going through some issues with regards to breast cancer.  She had a biopsy on the 4th, and then she had to go back for a lumpectomy on the 15th, so I'm sure that has been weighing on my mind.

Sunday was St. Patrick's day, and in addition to going to a BBQ buffet, I made "Irish Car Bomb" Cupcakes. Nuff said?

This was my first official week really dealing with the time change, and it s*cked.  I could not make the alarm once this week - typically did not get out of bed before 5:10, which leaves me with no extra time to do any weights or isometric exercises.  On Tuesday, we had another big snow storm, and the kids did not have school.  This meant I could sleep in (again - since I did on Monday), and so really I only had 3 days where I had to get up early, and it was hard!

On the plus side, I have been keeping up with my tracking, and I at least can say with an honest conscious that I have been eating X amount of calories - even if it isn't perfect, it is close.

I've continue to use my supplements.  I have upped the morning dose to 2 pills, and I try to remember to take 1 more before/around lunch time, but I missed a few this week.  I don't know it they are doing anything, I guess I won't know until I stop taking them.  When I first started, I definitely felt a difference, but now I don't feel any different at all - is that because I'm just used to it?  Also, weight loss has been less than stellar, but I have to wonder how bad it would have been if I wasn't taking the supplements.

So, I thought more about what I could do to make a dent in my weight loss for the remaining 10 (now 9) weeks.  One goal is to not eat out so much.  It definitely is a temptation, and even though I try to make good choices, I know that I'm eating and drinking more than I should be.  The problem is that going out is a real treat for me because it means I don't have to cook.  But, I'm not saying no going out at all, just try to decrease it, and I can do anything for 9 weeks - that's a blink of an eye.

Week 40 - Daylight Savings Time

Stats:  -2lb
Ave Burn:  2206
Ave Cal: 1396
Ave deficit: 810

So, this week was about trying to adjust to DST.  I wasn't very successful.  It wasn't horrible, but I did find it challenging.

It was actually not a good week for me.  I left on a business trip on Tuesday morning, and you know how you can be on a business trip - you think you are on vacation.  But, I packed my workout gear, and I made good choices when I could, and I logged my food as best I could.  I had to skip Tuesday's workout because I was leaving for the airport at 5 AM.  I'm sure that didn't help my weekly burn numbers.  And yet, I finally got a loss, and I finally crossed into a new decade.  I even saw my fat % # register under 30% a couple times this week - that is a great feeling.  My goal is to be 29% or less fat.

I should start with the weekend, though.  Saturday was ok, I worked out, and my sister came over and we hung out, so that entailed drinking some wine.  Sunday was the first day of DST, and I slept in.  Well, officially it was really only 8 AM, not 9.  We had a late breakfast, and I ended up taking a walk outside for my exercise.  I did that later in the day - I kept waiting for it to warm up, but it never did. 

On Monday, I woke up and did my exercises, even if it was a little late.  I already mentioned skipping Tuesday, and on Wednesday and Thursday, I had the luxury of getting up as late as 5:45!  Friday I did get up at usual time.  So, it hasn't been consistent enough to get into a routine.  I need to push myself to do it so that I do get into a routine as soon as possible.

I can't believe I only have 10 weeks left of my "challenge".  It would be nice to think I could lose 10 pounds in those weeks.  I would still be 10 pounds off my goal, but I would be looking much better, and that's what I really want - I don't want my weight to be a factor in how old I look!  Ah, vanity, woman is thy name.

So, what should I do to achieve my mini goal of being at least 10# lighter at the end of my journey?  I think I definitely need to step up the exercise.  If the weather will cooperate, I am definitely going to fit in some walking at work.  If I can just burn a few more calories, I'm hoping that my deficits will be larger.

As far as food, well, food is really key, and I'm not always very good about the food.  And drink.  I'm fine in a structured environment, but as soon as it's the weekend, or I'm working from home, I get very liberal with food.  I need to really look at that and come up with some strategies for avoiding that.

10 weeks, 10 weeks - that's nothing.  That's a blink of the eye.  I could do anything for 10 weeks (except maybe give up drinking - well, actually, I have given up drinking for longer than that before, but I really missed it!).  Ok, I'm going to really think about some over-arching goals I can try for the next 10 weeks.  Something to get me motivated.

Week 39 - 19 weeks in the same decade

Stats:  -1
Ave Burn: 2255
Ave Consumed: 1459
Ave deficit: 759

This week was a good week in terms of diet and exercise.  I did not get up on Monday morning, but I did walk at lunch that day.  I have decided that I will sleep in on Sundays (but still work out later), and take Mondays off (but try to walk at work - but it will be ok if I don't).  I ended up taking Thursday off.  No reason, really, except that I delayed getting up, then turned on the TV to see if school had been canceled because we were getting a snow storm.  It hadn't, but I decided to sleep in.  I knew there wouldn't be a chance to walk, but I actually brought my stuff to work just in case.  I have to let myself be ok if I take a day off here and there. I had worked out 9 days in a row, which is ok.  I rather go 10, but stuff gets in the way.

So, speaking of stuff, one of the things coming up is work travel.  I'll be flying to NC Tuesday morning, so I won't have time to work out before I go.  So, already my "Mondays off" plan has to change to Tuesday - but that's ok, that is what I need to do.  I'll bring my stuff to NC, and I'll work out Wed. and Thurs morning in the hotel gym.  So, I should be able to keep on track.  I guess we'll know by next week's post.

Otherwise this week, my eating was good, and I kept track all week.  I feel good about the numbers being 99% accurate.  My burn was a little low, but I still managed over 500 cal a day deficit, and 500 is my goal, so I'm good with that.  I had a full week on my "supplements", and I started upping the morning dose to 2 pills because I felt my body had adjusted to the 1.  I don't really feel that they are doing anything, but it's hard to tell.  Would I have not lost anything this week without them?  Would I have gained?  I have to say that the results have been less than amazing.

My other goal this week was to get up by 5 AM in preparation for DST.  We lost an hour this weekend, and I am so dreading getting up at what my body will feel is 4 AM.  I have a hard enough time getting up at 5 AM.  I didn't do very well with this goal.  I only made it one day out of the 3 that I got up.  As I mentioned, I didn't work out Monday or Thursday morning, then Friday was a snow day for the kids, so that meant I could sleep in.  I did get up at 5 on Tuesday, but pushed the time to 5:15 on Wednesday.  I am really in for it this coming week :-(  On the news this morning, they quoted an expert saying that it only takes a week to adjust.  Well, not me.  I really never do adjust.

So, the scale was a disappointment after the good week I had.  I was so hoping to get to the next decade (I am 1lb away!!), but it wasn't to be.  I am so sick of being in this weight range, I just want to see some progress.  Since it will be at least 20 weeks (please no more than that!) before I get to the next decade, that means .5lb a week - I'm so off of my goal now, that there will be no catching up without surgery. :-)  This is very disappointing, but I cannot give up.

Week 38 - It is what it is

Stats:  0 lb
Ave Cal Burn:  2303
Ave Cal Consumed:  1303
Ave Cal Balance:  1000


That's a regular saying at work, "It is what it is."  It's a great way to sum up the fact that, despite our best efforts, despite what we really want to happen, there are circumstances and obstacles in our way that will prevent it from being what we want it to be.  It just is what it is.  And that is what my weigh-loss journey is right now.

I'm philosophical about it right now.  What else can I do?  Is there really something wrong with me?  How can I be having 1000 calorie deficits and not lose any weight?  If this were just one week - well, I've had them in the past, I am fine as long as my average is still a loss.  But this week after week, it makes you crazy.  There must be something I'm not doing right, right?  I go on-line - most people would say I'm not eating enough, but that's just not true.  I mix it up a lot.  Yesterday I had 2164 calories - almost 200 over what I burned.  That doesn't happen every week, but I definitely have a 1800-1900 day once a week, and I'm not going hungry.  If I get hungry, I eat something.  I just try to make it a healthy snack like fruit or yogurt.  I really am eating enough, that I feel in my bones.

So, am I eating too much?  Could both my eating and my burn be off enough so that I'm basically in maintenance mode?  So, say my average cal consumed is off by 200 calories - bringing it this week to 1503 and burn is off 300 calories, bringing it to 2000, that's still an average balance of -500 calories a day (or 1lb for the week).  I could see being off another couple hundred calories on the food (it's so hard to be precise unless you eat the same thing every day), but I don't think it would be every day.  As far as the accuracy of the BodyMedia monitor, well, it does have some other inaccuracies, but it's been very consistent with the burn.  It seems to adjust up or down and accurately monitor my workouts.  The only thing that I have noticed is that it doesn't record my weight/isometric exercising after my cardio as physical activity.  I'm ok with that as long as it is recording my calories that I'm burning correctly.  I know that I often break a sweat with those workouts.

So, I will continue to ponder, and I'll continue to just say, "it is what it is"  there are areas where I could be more restrictive, but I need to have a manageable life - this has to be part of my life, so I may give up progress for reasonableness.  I hope I can still get to my goal close to when I wanted to.  I know now that I won't be down 50 in 50 weeks, but I do know that when I turn 50, I will be feeling much better about myself, and I will look better, and I will be a better me.  And that is what it is.

Week 37 - Tired

Stats -3lb
Ave cal burned:  2392
Ave cal consumed: 1262
Ave balance: 1130

This week I was tired.  I was tired during my workouts (couldn't get myself out of bed on Wednesday)  Tired of eating right.  Tired of thinking about my weight, etc.

I seem to have one of these weeks about once a month, maybe every 6 weeks.  I just really feel tired in my bones.  Although, I would say I added the mental tiredness this week as well.

It doesn't make much sense because this was school vacation week, so I actually got to sleep in a little because I didn't have the pressure of leaving the house right on time to get Tess to school.  I still did need to leave by about the same time to drop her and Gwen off and still be at work my regular time, but it didn't feel as time pressured.  Of course, did I wake up at the usual time and then spend more time with weights, etc.?  Oh, no, I was just able to do cardio all week, and barely got that done.

So, I was happy to lose 3lbs this week, but I am just resigned to gaining it back again, so there is no usual joy or motivation.  I even just thought - well, there's that 3 lbs that I've already lost at least twice!  I know I am feeling discouraged, and I have to not let it get to me.  I have been slacking in a lot of ways.  I haven't been tracking - the number above is only for 4 of 7 days.  I just stopped mid-week.  I had a busy school week, and it's just been hard to keep up with the tracking.  But, I know that I have to do that if I want to at least prove that I've been eating at or under my calorie goal.

Last night was game night, and I must have had a whole bottle of wine.  I'm sure I'll be paying for that indulgence this week.  Oh, well, those are the things I don't want to give up.

Week 36 - Stuck in Lost and Found for 11 weeks

Stats:  +2.5lb
Burn:  2116

So, the week starts last Saturday.  The blizzard had started Friday night, and Chuck had to stay at work all night into the morning for coverage in case they lost electricity (they didn't).  We didn't either.  But, when the alarm went off, it was so cozy in bed, I decided to snooze until it was too late, and it was time to get up an get breakfast made.  When we finished, Chuck came home, and he started clearing the driveway.  I needed some things from the store, so I took a ride to Nashua to get to an open grocery store (the driving ban was still in effect in Massachusetts).  When I got home, I finally put my exercise stuff on to get ready to work out.  As I leaned over (from a sitting position) to tie my left shoe, my back spasmed.  I couldn't move.  I limped to bed and tried to get into a position where it didn't hurt.  No one was around to help, but luckily I had some ibuprofen at my bedside, so I took some.

That was the beginning of not a good week.  I missed my workout Saturday of course, and Sunday, and I took Monday off too.  I was better by Monday, but still feeling it, so I was so scared to put it back in spasm.  Tuesday I did my usual workout, but then Tuesday night I got some stomach thing, so I skipped Wednesday too.  Considering all the skipped workouts, I'm surprised that I managed an average burn of 2116.

But, I was very discouraged to see a 2.5lb gain.  I am totally at my wits end about how to break out of this "lost and found" hell.  I figured out that, in the last 11 weeks, I have lost 13 pounds, but I gained 10, so I only have a net loss of 3lb for 11 weeks!  That is insane.  I know that we had the holidays during that time, and I also did have a set back this week, but really?  It doesn't justify the 2.5lb gain - it just doesn't.  I feel like I am going to be stuck in this decade forever.  I don't know what I can do differently to break out of this pattern.  I know that I could work out more, but I don't really have the time to do it.  I am going to go back to tracking my food (again), just so I can rule out that I am eating too many calories (but, there is no way I'm eating the additional 1000+ a day that would amount to a 2.5lb gain).  I have started back on my supplements, and I should be able to take them more regularly now (I had stopped when my back spasmed because since I was lying in bed, what would be the point of taking a metabolism increaser?  Maybe it would have helped, I don't know, it just seemed like a waste).  So, we'll see where we are next week.  I am going to try to do some research on what to do to break out a plateau (this is not your classic plateau, but basically the same result), and see if there is anything new to try.

Week 35 - The Storm

Stats:  -.5
Burn: 2321
Cal:  1147
Deficit:  1174

Ok, so I'm writing this a week late, so I'm going to make this post short, and I will spend more time on this week's post tomorrow.

This week was about getting back on track after being sick and traveling to FL.  I did well on the rest of my trip, but ended up taking a day off on Tuesday morning, which I was hoping to avoid.  I had a busy week with school and other activity.  The big news of the week was the blizzard that we were getting.  It started on Friday, but continued through Saturday.

I was ok with only losing .5 - a loss is a loss, and with the FL trip and all, -.5 was not bad at all.  I feel like I am finally making progress and will be in the next "decade" by next week.  I started increasing my supplements - going to 2 a day - towards the end of the week, so I think it is working to help increase my metabolism.  I don't feel as jittery on them, but I do feel like they give me more energy.

Week 34 - illness strikes

Stats:  -1.5
Burn: 2268

Rough week.  It started out ok, but on Tuesday morning, I had a very sore throat.  I had been aware of it throughout the night.  When I swallowed, it felt like razor blades.  I did not work out, and I took a sick day at work.  I got an appointment at my doctors to make sure it wasn't strep (it wasn't).  The next day, I didn't feel that much better, so I took another sick day.  I wanted to make sure I was feeling better by the time I left for my Florida trip.  I felt better on Thursday, but decided to work from home so that I wasn't infecting my co-workers.  In addition, I had to leave early to catch our flight, so it just made sense.  I actually worked out Thursday morning, and I did ok.   My weigh in this week is from Thursday morning because I wasn't going to have access to my scale on Friday morning. 

So, with two days off from exercise this week, I still managed to have an average burn of 2268 - not too bad considering I spent two days in bed for the most part.  Oh, and also I got my period! 

I had started my new "supplements" on Saturday, but I did not take them on Tuesday and Wednesday because I was thinking it didn't make sense to take them while I was completely inactive.  I am feeling ok about the 1.5# loss, and I wonder if the supplements helped.  I guess this coming week will have a more definitive answer on if they are helping or not.  I'm still only taking 1 a day until I completely shake this cold.

Ok, so I've done ok on 2 days of my Florida trip.  Friday Chuck and I had a big breakfast, but I only had a small snack before dinner.  Today was similar.  Too much alcohol though!  I'm going to try to not drink all week.  Saturday night we are going to a comedy show, so I will save the drinking for that night only.

Week 33 - Taking a break

Not a complete break, but a mini break.  I think I needed it.

Stats:  -3lb
Avg burn:  2337
Avg calories:  ?

I stopped tracking on Sunday, then I tried to start back on Tuesday, but I was just too busy.  I am going to try to get back to it starting today, but I haven't tracked at all so far, and it's 4:35. PM.

After my sucky week last week, I was discouraged, but not giving up.  It was a holiday weekend, and so I was doing some extra cooking.  Saturday night I made spaghetti and meatballs.  On Sunday, I made a turkey dinner, and I ate way too much.  My stomach hurt.  I started the non tracking by then.

On Monday (the holiday), I didn't get up to work out at first, and then it got late, so I got up and got showered, etc.  I always intended to work out later in the day, but it didn't happen.  So, that was my first skip day.  I blew my goal of exercising every day until our Florida trip.  I justified it in my mind that I really needed the break.  I can't sleep late on the weekdays even if I don't work out, blah blah.  So, not sure what was going through my head when I kept hitting the snooze on Tuesday.  I guess at first I thought I was still going to get up - maybe do an abbreviated workout.  I knew I wasn't going to be doing anything at work outside - it was projected to be in the single digits for temperature.  So, that was the second day I skipped working out.  I can't remember the last time I had TWO days in a week where I didn't work out.  But, there it is.

I have to say, though, that on Wednesday morning, I felt so much better in my workout.  I have been just SOOO tired all the time, and hungry.  I felt like it helped in someways.  And, I did lose weight this week, so maybe it's just what I needed.  Not that I'll plan that into the calendar or anything.  I may plan a lighter day every so often.

Regarding my other goals, well, I haven't called the doctor yet to make an appointment for a physical, but I definitely will this coming week.  I did stop by the GNC yesterday, and I started taking a supplement today that is supposed to increase my metabolism.  I just took 1 this morning, and I feel like it helped so far.  I felt like I had more energy, and when I ate lunch, I felt really full.  It didn't stop me, though, from eating the other half of my daughter's peanut butter and fluff sandwich!  I really, really, have to work on will power.  It's just non-existent.

My burn is low again this week, which, considering I didn't workout 2 days doesn't surprise me.  But, I have also been running out of time to do any weight/isometric work after my cardio because I have to make these totally annoying stops to go to the bathroom.  Today I had to stop twice, and I thought I was going to have to stop a 3rd time.  It just eats up all the extra time I have.

So, tonight is game night with our friends, and I'll try to be good.  I am bringing the appetizers, and I made one low fat dip, but the other two are not healthy at all.  I guess I'll try to fill up on salad!

Week 32 - Depressed

Other contenders for this week's title:

WTF?
Feel like quitting
I am not a NUMBER
What is wrong with my body?

They all compete for top thought in my brain since I weighed in yesterday.

Stats: +4lbs
Avg burn: 2296
Avg calories: 1401
Avg deficit:  895

So, I weigh myself every day, and I saw my weight creeping up every morning.  I didn't know why.  At first, I wasn't too concerned - I bounce 2lbs at a time.  By the time Thursday morning WI said I was still up 3lbs, I was not happy.  Still, I continued to log my food, continue with my exercise plan, and hope I'd have a 2-3# bounce down by the next morning.  I had sushi on Wednesday night, so part of me though it was probably just water retention.  So, was I unhappy when I got on the scale and saw a 4.5 gain on Friday morning.  I hadn't worked out yet, though, and I still had some clothes on, so I WI again later in the day and had lost .5 - probably just my clothing, but I decided to take that as my "official" weight.

Why?  I keep asking myself that.  What did I do/am I doing that is so wrong, so off?  I did have a lower burn this week.  I think that is because of two reason - one is that it's calculated using my weight, which was 4# less than I am :-)  and the other reason is that I did not get in any extra workouts in my week.  My deficit, though, is only 5 calories off from last week, so even if my burn is lower, I'm still maintaining the same average deficit.  To gain 4#, I would have to have eaten 20,000 extra calories.  I didn't.  Say I ate my total burn every day, I'd have to have eaten another 14,000 calories to gain 4lbs.  So, the math does not add up, I know that, but it is SOOOOOOOOOOO discouraging to see the scale go up 4lbs when I am already way behind in my goal. 

On the BodyMedia site, I entered my weight, and it gives you this message - it said at my rate, I'll reach my goal by NOVEMBER 12!!  So very discouraging, but it makes sense.  When I lost weight before - and I was 10 years younger - it took me 19 months to lose 50#.  And I was working out like a maniac.  I should have known that 50# in a year was not possible.  As of this weigh in, I am 8.5 pounds behind my goal - that's over two month.  I have no possible way of ever catching up at the rate I am going and what my body is doing.  I just don't understand it. 

So, I have two resolves out of this.  One is to make an appointment to see my doctor.  I'm overdue for a physical anyway, so I will do that - even though I'll probably not be able to get an appointment for weeks, maybe months.  The second thing is that I'm going to try some supplements - something that's supposed to speed up my metabolism.  I know that most of that stuff is crap, but it's worth a try to see if it can help me bust through this - whatever this is.  I've been in the same "decade" now for 11-12 weeks.  Even with the holiday eating, I should be better than this.  I thought the last decade was going to be hard, but this one has been way more stubborn.  It's very discouraging, but I'm not going to let it sabotage my plans.

Week 31 - Sabotage

It always comes to this - we do it to ourselves.  Why?  First, the stats:

Stats:  -4.5lbs
Avg Burn:  2514
Avg Cal: 1614

That's my highest average burn yet.  But, my calorie intake average is also higher.  I realize now (duh), that I should have been tracking my average deficit.  But, there are some weeks when I didn't track my food, so I don't know exactly what my deficit is.

So, I had the wonderful weigh in Friday morning, and I was really happy to be the lowest weight I have been so far, and below my last good WI, and, even though it took 5 weeks, undid the damage I had done with a whoosh.  So, what do I do?  Go out and completely blow up my eating.  Sigh.  I had plans to meet my sister, and I knew I would have a couple drinks, and I thought we would be eating, so I had planned on my fall back of salad.  Well, we just munched on tortilla chips (too many!), and when I left, I was still hungry, so I succumbed to a drive through :-(   The worse thing is that I felt like it was ok and even justified.  I guess that's sabotage.  I have not figured out what is going on in my head. I'm trying to not get that heavy - I figure, I had a couple drinks, my resolve was weak, and my hunger strong.  I should have gone home and made a snack or something, but in the moment, I didn't feel like doing that.

I had a good week, but part of me thinks that maybe when I push so hard, I have these set backs - I have exercised every day for 12 days in a row (as of today), and I even did some additional walks at work because we have had some nice weather.  I tried to get my food back on track (until last night), and I did achieve my goals of 1) increasing my average burn (by almost 100 calories), and 2) tracking my food.  So, the hard work paid off, and I shouldn't beat myself up for the slip, but I think it's an example of how I can be careless with my choices as well as that I have no willpower.  I really need to concentrate on my eating more.  I will not be able to count on enough excess burn forever to cover bad eating habits.

So, I have a new short term goal - it looks like Chuck and I may be going to Florida the first weekend in February.  The weather should be in the 70s.  Not bathing suit weather, but definitely shorts and short sleeves, so it's a motivation for me to keep up with my work - my goal is to not take one day off until we leave.  I can have a morning off, but I will have to do some type of workout every day no matter what.  There are three weigh-ins between now and then, and that means 3 pounds could be lost, which also means dropping into a new decade.  I'd be really happy about that.  I should be able to do it - as long as I have a planned break in the early morning routines, I should be able to keep up with the goal.

My challenge these days with working out is that every morning I have to take a bathroom break while I am running.  It's really annoying.  I don't know how to get my body out of this routine.  Maybe there's something I can eat before I go to bed :-)

Week 30 - Happy New Year

Cue the wah-wah music.

Stats:  +.5lb
Avg burn: 2415

So, if you are keeping track, that is 4 consecutive gains.  I completely wiped out the 3.5 loss I had in the beginning of December.  I am now 7lbs behind where I should be according to my goal.  From here on out, it will be a matter of chasing the tail.  Even if I get extremely lucky and drop, say, 4# this week, I would still be 4# behind goal.  I would have to lose another 4 the following week and 2 the week after that JUST to be on track.  I doubt that will happen, but I am definitely buckling down with the new year.

At least my meager goals for the week were met - one was to increase burn (which I did by 31 calories, not much but it was an increase!), and to decrease intake.  Since I did not track my food (still on a vacation from that right now), I don't have facts to back up my decrease, but I know that I must have just by virtue of not sticking 2-3 cookies in my mouth every day.  Next week's goal will include food tracking - imperative if I'm going to try to catch up to my goal.

I did some cooking - making soup, and I am planning on doing some more so that I have a stash in the freezer for lunches.  That works well, and I could make a really good dent in the weight if I keep with the soup diet.  It's a small window, maybe Jan-March, though, when I have the appetite for soup, so I should really take advantage of it.

I start back to school on Monday, so it will be crazy time again.  I hope I can keep up with everything.  One of my other overall goals is to get more sleep - I have been averaging 5 hours a night, and that is just not enough to sustain all that I am doing.

Ok, here is to a better week next week!  It will be a happy new year.