Week 32 - Depressed

Other contenders for this week's title:

WTF?
Feel like quitting
I am not a NUMBER
What is wrong with my body?

They all compete for top thought in my brain since I weighed in yesterday.

Stats: +4lbs
Avg burn: 2296
Avg calories: 1401
Avg deficit:  895

So, I weigh myself every day, and I saw my weight creeping up every morning.  I didn't know why.  At first, I wasn't too concerned - I bounce 2lbs at a time.  By the time Thursday morning WI said I was still up 3lbs, I was not happy.  Still, I continued to log my food, continue with my exercise plan, and hope I'd have a 2-3# bounce down by the next morning.  I had sushi on Wednesday night, so part of me though it was probably just water retention.  So, was I unhappy when I got on the scale and saw a 4.5 gain on Friday morning.  I hadn't worked out yet, though, and I still had some clothes on, so I WI again later in the day and had lost .5 - probably just my clothing, but I decided to take that as my "official" weight.

Why?  I keep asking myself that.  What did I do/am I doing that is so wrong, so off?  I did have a lower burn this week.  I think that is because of two reason - one is that it's calculated using my weight, which was 4# less than I am :-)  and the other reason is that I did not get in any extra workouts in my week.  My deficit, though, is only 5 calories off from last week, so even if my burn is lower, I'm still maintaining the same average deficit.  To gain 4#, I would have to have eaten 20,000 extra calories.  I didn't.  Say I ate my total burn every day, I'd have to have eaten another 14,000 calories to gain 4lbs.  So, the math does not add up, I know that, but it is SOOOOOOOOOOO discouraging to see the scale go up 4lbs when I am already way behind in my goal. 

On the BodyMedia site, I entered my weight, and it gives you this message - it said at my rate, I'll reach my goal by NOVEMBER 12!!  So very discouraging, but it makes sense.  When I lost weight before - and I was 10 years younger - it took me 19 months to lose 50#.  And I was working out like a maniac.  I should have known that 50# in a year was not possible.  As of this weigh in, I am 8.5 pounds behind my goal - that's over two month.  I have no possible way of ever catching up at the rate I am going and what my body is doing.  I just don't understand it. 

So, I have two resolves out of this.  One is to make an appointment to see my doctor.  I'm overdue for a physical anyway, so I will do that - even though I'll probably not be able to get an appointment for weeks, maybe months.  The second thing is that I'm going to try some supplements - something that's supposed to speed up my metabolism.  I know that most of that stuff is crap, but it's worth a try to see if it can help me bust through this - whatever this is.  I've been in the same "decade" now for 11-12 weeks.  Even with the holiday eating, I should be better than this.  I thought the last decade was going to be hard, but this one has been way more stubborn.  It's very discouraging, but I'm not going to let it sabotage my plans.