Week 20 - The Worst Month Ever

Well, not exactly ever, but it's the worst month since my very first month, and that wasn't even a full month.

Stats:  -.5
Ave cal expenditure: 2311

Ok, before I launch into all the negativity, I'm going to focus on the positive:

• this week three people asked me if I have lost weight
• fat % showed as 34% at weigh-in
• three weeks of not drinking alcohol
• worked out 7 out of 7 days.

So, all that's good.  I'm happy that I didn't gain, but I am really bummed that 1)  I still didn't make my 10% goal (2 weeks off now), 2) I didn't lose more weight.  Total weight loss for October (this is the last WI of the month - 4 total) is 1.5lb  this ties for the lowest monthly loss since the first month. I have lost 5# a month the other months.  Now this.

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about realizing that this weight number is one I've gotten stuck on in the past. Despite this self awareness, I was really not prepared for this lack of progress.  I feel like, based on the work I am doing, I really should not be having a problem losing 1 pound a week - even if it's an average.  My current average is .9.  In order to be back on track for next week, I will have to lose 3 pounds.  Definitely possible - I've had 3# weeks before.  Of course, that's just to catch up.  By now, I was hoping to be ahead of the game a couple pounds.  That's why I quit drinking.  I figure, if I don't see any significant progress by next Friday, I will go off the wagon.  What's the point if it's not going to help in the results.  I'm sure that I have cut calories by not drinking - it factors into decisions that I've made to go out to eat or not, it's kept me from snacking when I had a few glasses of wine in me.  But, OTOH, maybe I'm compensating by consuming more calories anyway to make up for what I usually consume in alcohol.  I haven't been tracking my food.  I just have not had the time.  I can't do it at work because the tool doesn't work on my work laptop.  I don't like to do it on the phone because it takes longer, and when I'm at home, my evenings are already full of cooking, cleaning, homework (mine), and much needed sleep!

Also, I have been sticking to a pretty specific diet, meals that I have entered over and over again, so I know that I'm averaging no more than 1400 calories.  It's leaving me a deficit of ~900 calories a day!  But, if I have another bad/slow progress week, I'll have to make a super-human effort to go back to food tracking.  Maybe I'm severely underestimating my intake.

Week 19 - Desperate Times

Stats:  +.5
Average calories out:  2490

Well, this week's post was supposed to be titled, "Yahoo!  10%!", but it was not to be.  I was there on Thursday, I was under it this morning, but I on Friday morning, somehow I knew I wasn't going to make it.  Have you ever just felt heavy?  That's how I felt when I got on the scale.  Despite the foreboding, I weighed myself three times because I just couldn't believe it.  How could I have gained a pound and a half since the day before?  Sometimes the scale is just a big head game.

So, the desperate times call for desperate measures, and the one I have chosen is to stop drinking alcohol until Thanksgiving.  My last drink was on 10/5, so I have had two weigh-ins since I stopped, one good, and one not so good.  I will have to evaluate if it's really worth it to not drink.  My hope is that I could really make a dent in my weight-loss goals (be ahead a few pounds - I'd be happy with 2# at this point) before the holidays.

I sometimes think that it's a very good thing that I set my expectations so low.  I know that sounds horrible, but realistically, with the amount of daily deficit I am creating, I should be losing 2# a week, and that's what I've had as a goal in the past, but when I would not lose that, and even gain, I would get so discouraged that I would quit.  Having the 1# goal has meant that (until now), I have been able to even out the big losses and the gains to have an average (ok, so that average has been under 1# more weeks than it has been at or above!) at or near 1#.  To be behind again - and especially not make my 10% goal, is discouraging.  I am putting a lot of work into this.  I am tired all the time because I'm getting up at 5 AM to work out.  I'm working out every day, sometimes twice a day.  I am sacrificing - not just alcohol, but sweets, food, etc.  If I can't show at least 1# a week average loss, then I think there is something seriously wrong with me and my metabolism.

Week 18 - Small Victories

Stats:  Lost 4.5lbs this week.

Don't ask me to figure it out.  I have no idea.  I was thrilled to be back on track with my goal of 1# a week, but my body just confounds me.  I am thrown off balance - I don't know what is working and what is not since there is such a see-saw ride on the scale.

Last week's post was so short because I was short on time, but after the big gain, I tried to focus on other areas of victory.  I mean, my clothes are definitely fitting better.  When I see my silhouette reflected in glass or the mirror, I don't cringe like I used to.  I know that I have a long way to go, but it is nice to be able to see the results of all hard work.

I also have seen some progress in my fat %.  It has read as low as 35% sometimes, with 37% being the highest I usually see.  This is a good trend, once I get my fat % less than 35, I should be able to burn more calories (or at least as much) at a lower weight.

When I was trying to make sense of my weight gain, I remembered that the last time I tried to lose weight, I was around this same weight, and it was really stubborn.  I ended up getting frustrated because I was up one week and down the next, with very little net progress.   I think I'm in for that again - it's going to be a stubborn set point, but if I can get past it, I should be ok.

I just wish I was a few pounds ahead of my goal instead of being right on.  It gives me no wiggle room, so I figure that I just have to cut back even more, be more careful about what I am eating, and stop drinking.  I decided I am going to quit drinking until Thanksgiving.  At first, I thought it should be a piece of cake - I don't have any major outings planned between now and then, but even last night (Friday night), I was really wanting a glass of wine or even to go out for a drink.  It's going to be more difficult than I thought.  But, I do believe it will make a dent - and maybe get me past this stubborn set point and beyond.  It will be the beginning of the holiday season, so it would be good to be ahead before all that eating and drinking starts.

Week 17 - Time to get serious

Stats:  Gained 3lb!

That says it all, right?

I don't have much time, so this is going to be a quick post.  I really don't know what is going on.  I had a good week with some of the highest average calorie output that I have had.  What it makes me realize is that I need to try even harder/more.

Week 16 - Back on Track?

Stats:  2.5 weight loss
16.5 total weight loss
2348 average calories burned

This week was spent trying to get clean again.  Not that I was so far off track, but I was trying to focus on getting back to my good habits.  I did my morning walking workout every day (including the aforementioned birthday party morning).  I also did "30 Day Shred" on Monday and Wednesday.  My plan was to try to get it in 3x a week, but Friday came, and I was just beat.  I was really sore from the workout, though, and Tess joined me, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep it up.

Eating was "eh".  We had a lot of leftovers from the party, so early in the week we were finishing up those - burgers, dogs, salads, etc.  I tried to be good during the day, and not so bad at night.  I guess something worked seeing as I lost the 2.5 pounds, but it only puts me .5lb ahead, and I would rather be a couple pounds ahead.

I had a humbling experience early in the week.  I was feeling pretty good - my pants have definitely been fitting better, so I decided to try on a pair I had bought without trying on - still had tags on them - and I figured I must fit in them now.  They did fit - button, etc., but they didn't look good at all, you know that look?  You're not busting out of them, but they are not flattering at all!  I guess I have another month or so before I'll be able to wear them.

My book club gathering was canceled at the last minute, but I was relieved, because as much as my plan was to have one drink and NO food, I know my resolve is not very good.  So, if you can't take the temptation, remove the temptation, right?  So, at least I made it through the week without drinking any alcohol.  That will change tonight - we are going to a progressive dinner where we walk from restaurant to restaurant, but I'm sure it won't be enough calories to offset the delicious meal and drink that comes with it.  At least I got my work out in this morning - even though it was raining.  I did my treadmill, and that felt good because I haven't been on it in a long time, and it was good to shake the dust off of it.

This weeks goals are to continue on my "back on track".  For one thing, I still have not been good about logging my meals, and I know I need to get back to that.  I have another social night planned, and I'm sure that this one will not be canceled, even if only one or two people show up, so I will plan on showing up.  That's two nights of drinking, but I'll try to be good!  It's the food that's the killer, when I drink I have no willpower.

Week 15 - Too Busy

Stats:  gained 1.5lbs

If you are keeping track, that's a total of 14lbs but it's week 15, so I'm once again behind on my goal.

Honestly, I'm almost too tired to care.

This week was a killer.  Both girls birthdays were this week - one on Tuesday and the other on Thursday.  Chuck and I went out on Sunday to buy birthday presents, and then we went out for sushi for our "date night".  I had spent most of Saturday and Sunday doing laundry and cleaning.  I have a family cook out every year not only for the girls birthdays, but mostly for my mom's birthday, which is tomorrow.  This year, my SIL was coming from NJ to visit, so I also needed to get Gwen's bedroom ready for Ruth to sleep in. 

I had something to do every night this week.  We went out on Wednesday night for both girls combined birthday celebrations.  I worked out in the morning every morning except Wednesday when it was raining.  I had planned to get up and use the treadmill inside, but I was so tired from staying up the night before getting stuff done that I decided to sleep in.  It felt weird to not do anything for the whole day.  So far, when I've missed a morning, I have been able to at least walk at lunch, but on this day I had lunch plans (sushi again!), and so I took my first full day off from exercising since I cannot remember when.  It was also the first week in a while where I only did 6 workouts, I usually make it up to 7 or more with walking at work.

We walked at 5 AM several of the days, and it was cold and dark.  It kept getting colder - starting at 55 and going down to 45.  We have decided to make next week our last outside week as it's just too cold and dark.  I am afraid one of us is going to trip on something we cannot see on the ground and hurt ourselves.  I hope that this one more week will get my body used to getting up at 5 AM so I can continue on my own.

So, needless to say that the eating was not good - with the going out, I really tried to be good, but of course I'm sure I consumed more than I should have.  Also, I have to confess, I did not log one meal all week.  With planning for the party, etc., and school, and working out, etc., I just did not have the time or the energy.  Part of me says I have to figure out a way to keep up with it, and another part of me says that I need to be able to do this without writing down every morsel I put in my mouth.

As for the weigh-in, I'm sure it didn't help that I got my period.  Maybe some of the 1.5 is water weight :-)

This week will be for getting back on track.  I am going to try to increase my physical activity, and I am definitely going to try to get my eating under control.  I only have one outing planned - my book club night on Wednesday, and I will tell them that I have to be good, so no macaroni and cheese pizza for me!

Week 14 - A Good Week

This week was a good week.

Stats:  -3.5 lost

Average calories out:  2296
Average calories in:  1147
Average deficit:  1149

Now, that's the kind of loss I would expect for those stats.  I have to say, though, that I wasn't so great with my other goals.  I did log all my meals, but I would skip several days, then played catch up.  That is not good because you know that your memory fails you, and you must be missing some stuff.  But, it can't be helped.  I was thinking about why I've been having difficulty lately, and it's easy to see why:  School.  Getting the kids back to school, I have less time and less energy at home.  In addition to that, I started my school this week, so any extra computer time that I have has to be used for school.  Also, work has been crazy.  My logging website doesn't work consistently at work, so I often can't get on even if I had the time, but I haven't had the time.  Sometimes I'll use the phone ap, but I end up having to add so much of the food I eat because the database doesn't have it or have something like it, that the phone gets really tedious.  So, there are my excuses.  I can't let them get the better of me.  I know that I can do ok without logging, but I know I need it to keep myself honest.  Besides, I'm a numbers geek, and I'd miss having those numbers!

I did work out every day, three days twice a day.  I still can't seem to get my calories out to be above 2300 average.  I need to figure out some way of fitting in something that will burn another 200 calories, but I can't see how.  I'm so exhausted when I get home, I barely manage to get dinner made and cleaned up.  I have all these good intentions of doing other work - which is the other thing, I can't justify taking 30 more minutes to work out when there is sooo much around here to get done.  I have thought about upping my intensity, but I just don't feel ready to run yet.  I'm still too heavy, and I'm afraid I'll hurt something, then have to take time off to heal.

I spend a lot of time just dreaming about the future.  If I can keep up with my goal, I know that in the next few weeks, my weight loss will start to become more noticeable. It will be subtle - my clothes will fit instead of being tight.  My rolls won't be so prominent.  By Thanksgiving, I should really look different.  I may even have to start wearing smaller pants by then (I hope!).  The way time flies around here, TG isn't that far off at all. Anyway, it keeps me motivated for the future, and reminds me that I need to keep going.